….I was seriously TRIGGERED this week.
Why?
Because I keep seeing phrases like ‘‘are you practicing self-love?’’ or “have you practiced self-love today?” and #selflove with a selfie in a face mask.
When I say I kept seeing it everywhere….I mean it was EVERYWHERE. Every time I would turn on the TV, listen to the radio, read a magazine, open up Instagram or any other social media platform…it was there. I couldn’t escape it.
Usually, when I keep seeing things over and over again, I take it as a hint from The Universe that I need to listen up.
So that’s exactly what I did.
I listened.
What did I hear?
“Stop putting yourself in a pressure cooker”
(I got one of those pressure cookers at Bed Bath & Beyond this week so maybe I’m a little misguided but I got the message.LOUD AND CLEAR.)
While I truly believe that self-care and self-love are absolutely essential to living a healthy and full life, I do believe there is a tipping point.
And by tipping point, I mean that it goes beyond the physical and becomes an internal process of accepting aspects of ourselves that are both positive AND negative.
Self-love and self-care take work. *cue Rihanna singing ‘work work work work work’
It takes commitment. It takes creativity. It takes discipline. It takes self-awareness.
While I’m not claiming to be some kind of self-love guru….I do know one thing: self-love should not feel like PRESSURE.
And that is exactly what it was looking like to me this week. I even felt the pressure myself to practice self-love which is why I was so triggered. I was reading things like “Did you remember to #LOVEYOURSELF today?” “Love yourself more” MORE self-love. More. More. More. More.
I even fell down the rabbit hole of Instagram comments where two girls got into an argument about how not working out that day was horrible and obviously, this girl didn’t love herself. And if she REALLY loved herself, she would have gone to the gym.
Ummmmmm what??!
Back it up, sis. Back it WAY WAY WAY up.
We are not here to define what anyone’s version of self-love and care should look like. Although, I would hope that if your friend is snorting drugs off a toilet seat or binge drinking before getting in a car every night, you would step in.
But ultimately, everyone is on their own journey of loving themselves so it’s best to meet conflicting ideas of what self-love looks like with compassion and understanding.
Self-love should never feel like pressure. It should never perpetuate this perfectionistic paradigm that we are living in. It’s supposed to get a bit messy. It’s a whole lot of trial and error and then when our life circumstances, inevitably, change – we are back to more trial and error.
Self-love should be a retreat into the depths of your being where you find comfort and strength. Even when it’s stormy and cold everywhere else.
Inspired by this week, I created a self-love checklist.
The first page is all of the things that I’m doing this month to cater to myself. (Yes, ironically I put a facemask on the list! Get over it.)
It’s split into activities that I do daily and weekly.
A few of them are very physical things but I’m always doing my own inner work through meditation and journaling.
The second page is a blank copy of the first page where you can create your own checklist. Like, maybe you already have glowing skin and don’t need to do facemasks and steam your face as often.
I’ll be printing mine out every month to hang it on my pinboard so I can look at it daily.
I also try to mix it up every few months and try something new so I don’t become bored or forget the gravity in it.
If you’re new to practicing self-love check out these posts here and here.
I like your self love checklist. I especially like your advice to “stop putting yourself in a pressure cooker’. I do that from time to time mainly because of the expectations of others . Some of this pressure also comes from expectations I have of my self . You have given me the appetite for more exploration of the topic of ” Self Love”
I think is important to give ourselves the time and effort to practice self love. But as you say we are all different and in have different needs depending on the stage of our lives. For example, working out was not in my definition of self love before, but now it is. I agree that it’s important not to make the self love practices to feel as a duty and add more pressure to our busy lives
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